Yesterday in my MOPS small group (Mothers of Preschoolers), our conversation turned to loss. Tears were shed as several of us shared the pain of a lost child or, in my case, a lost husband. Death was not the only common thread however. We each shared through falling tears the glorious hope that God has a plan. Each of the moms who had experienced loss were holding fast to the promise that God works all things for the good of those who love Him.
There was such hope, such peace, anchoring us behind the pain. Some of us possessed fresh wounds while others had scars healed over their pain. We were moms of differing ages and differing church affiliations. But we each held tightly to the hand of a loving Father that we trusted.
I shared a thought about heaven. It’s just my imaginings, just my visual way of thinking. I suggested that perhaps, when we get to heaven and meet Jesus face to face, perhaps He will show us the tapestry of time. Perhaps He will allow us to see the threads of our lives, our pain, our joys, our sacrifice, woven into the big picture and the beauty of His plan. Will there be a moment of peace as we see why? Perhaps there will be a moment when we smile and say, “Oooh…. Now I see.”
Will we be able to trace with our finger the line of our lives as it wove into others and see why God allowed certain things to happen? Perhaps those moments of loss, of tragedy, of pain will appear as imperfections in a tapestry that an artist transforms to beauty. Perhaps we will see the Master of Time’s creative skill at using our wounds to make something breathtakingly beautiful.
Right now, living through the pain of loss and the chaos of figuring out how I’m going to raise four kids on my own, I cling to the anchor of truth: God is faithful. He loves me with a passionate love that precludes Him letting this tragedy go to waste. He creates beautiful things out of dust. He brings beauty from ashes and grows joy where there was none.
This week I have struggled with so much exhaustion as I tried to get children to appointments and activities and youth group and grasped for my sanity like a drowning woman seeks air. I need the assurance that He is a God who pursues me relentlessly. He is not a passive God who watches time unfold. He interacts with us. He loves us with a passion we cannot fully grasp.
He is the Master Artist who is weaving our lives in a tapestry of beauty we cannot comprehend. I look forward someday to seeing the finished masterpiece. I pray my small addition will contribute to the beauty of His plan in a way that makes Him proud. “Take my life and let it be, all for You.” – from the song Lift my Life Up by Unspoken.